Still His Wife (4)

Why did I accept to get married traditionally, or more specifically, why did I accept getting married to D?

1- Cause this is the way marriages are here .. so, by accepting, I'm just going on with the flow.. doing exactly what I'm expected to do.. and it's not a big deal for anyone, but me.

2- I have reached an age where I'm almost considered of those who have got married late. I mean all my closest friends are married but two of us. All my female relatives are married even those who are younger than me.. This has put a kind of pressure on my family, which in return was a great pressure on me.

3- My mother's constant search for a husband for me, and her telling me that getting married will solve all my problems, and having these words come from a mouth that I trust so bad, I kinda was convinced.

4- My family situation: Having divorced parents, Hitler-like brother .. and living in a semi-apartment where sunlight has burned my skin .. All of these collaborated as forces for me to accept marriage as a good turn of my ruined life.

5- My personal experience that made me tearful non-stop for almost a year walked hand in hand with all of the above to make me starving a change in my life.

6- My emotional and physical needs are getting heavier by the minute, so I decided to give myself a chance like every other girl in my family to give all this load a relief.

7- D, in particular, was going to help me achieve one of my ultimate goals which I'm dying to, so I shut my eyes closed over all his flaws and I accepted.

8- Believing that it's going to be the hardest war to face my family and search for my true love, and that will cost me time, anger, humiliation, and maybe my family as a whole. Knowing that indeed it's difficult for any girl in my society to look for love, it's almost doubled in my situation. So, I just gave up the idea of love, or let's say I postpone it.

9- Divorce is not a remote idea for me .. it's not one of the possibilities for me as it is for some people. I honestly will take a serious step into divorce if I felt that my life is unhappy with D. My family condition makes divorce always on the tip of my tongue. 

I don't know if these are enough reasons, but I was drugged as my friend said and I accepted this marriage, which I'm not happy about one bit.

xoxo,

wife or no wife